Lately there has been a family feud bubbling on my father’s side of the family. While it doesn’t involve me at all (didn’t stop me from being blocked from the instigator) it does bother me and I feel the need to voice my view. This “rogue” cousin has decided to cut her and her children off from her siblings and parents over petty ridiculousness and feels the need to start “drama” under the guise of “preventing” or “fighting” drama that wasn’t there in the first place. I swear those drama battles are the worst.
Let me start first my mother was a difficult nightmare dealing with growing up. Sorry, but she was. But let me make this perfectly clear, SHE IS STILL MY MOTHER. No matter what wrongs I feel she dealt me, what mistakes she made raising me, whatever abuses I feel she inflicted on me, she is my mother. Until the day I DIE she will be my mother. No matter what I will have a fierce loyalty to my parents. No matter how much they may piss me off or bring me down. And it simply baffles me that other people don’t feel the same and can cut their family off over such petty BS.
There comes a time as an adult that you have to grow above the “wrongs” you’ve suffered or have been dealt. Your parents are human and everyone makes mistakes. NO ONE has the answers to anything quite frankly. There comes a point where you need to forgive, maybe not forget, but at least move on and learn from the situation. I like to think that when you are able to do this, THAT is when you truly become an adult. By cutting off your family you’re doing not only yourself, but your children a disservice. While I don’t agree with some things my mother has done and we may not have the closest relationship, there is not a single solitary doubt in my mind she won’t worship her grandchildren, if/when that time arrives. I’m also not that spectacularly close to my sister; we rarely get along….ever. But rob her and my children from the experience of knowing each other just strikes me as so very wrong.
You’re not always going to hear what you want to hear. Just like the fact that you don’t agree with whatever your parents did, there will be things YOU do that they will not agree with. And trust me my parents have NOOOOOO problem letting me know when they don’t like what I’m doing. But you have to take a moment. Do they have legitimate concerns? Yes? Maybe you should reanalyze what you’re doing. No? Well, you’re an adult, you’re on your own, and they’ll get over it. Yeah you may get all pissed off and not speak for a little while. But everyone will eventually get over it and you move on. Why blow things up and open wounds that don’t need to be opened?
And what truly slays me with the whole situation is that you go out of your way to have a relationship with a CONVICTED CRIMINAL (another cousin) who to THIS DAY is in and out of jail, who has a sick violent record against his OWN RELATIVES. But you cut your parents and siblings out of your life?! When something goes wrong will he save you? Will he support you and your 3 children like your parents have in the past????
YOU distance yourself from everyone one, then when you’re not included you throw a tantrum? You can’t have it both ways. You can’t only have what YOU want and to hell with everyone else’s feelings and views. Especially when those feelings and views are LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!
I’m so beyond far from perfect, and while I personally think my mother could have done things differently, I’m overall happy with how I turned out. And I hope they’re happy with the person I’ve become as well. While as an adult I have to make my own decisions, that don’t necessarily reflect my parents’ upbringing, my core values came from my upbringing. I’m proud of my fierce loyalty, my sense of fairness, my work ethic, etc. BOTH parents’ successes AND their failures shape their children. It is up to YOU to take your experiences, good, bad, and ugly and make positive outcomes of them. It is time to grow up, stop blaming everyone else, and own up to your own decisions. OWN UP TO THEM, good or bad, you have to stand by them. You can always change a bad decision, but you have to own it and it will take work.
Your parents won’t be around forever, and I promise you when they’re gone, whether you still feel your right or not, you’ll regret this. This isn’t an abuse situation, it’s an ego situation, and you need to get over it.